Being Tranformed: Series

Over the next few posts we are going to focus on Transformation and how it applies to marriage!  After Jason and I decided we didn't want to finalize our divorce in 2007 we had to make a conscious decision to save our marriage.  I know that may sound silly but it's true.  Staying in a marriage is not the same as deciding to fight for your marriage!  We needed a transformation, but neither of us realized just how true that was.....God was faithful to overhaul  some of the darkest recesses in our lives.  He even went into some of the places we never let anyone see, including our spouse!  

I want to encourage you to get comfortable to hang in here with me and to go through the transformation process that God took Jason and I through.  Each day I will post 1 topic for the next letter in the word T-R-A-N-S-F-O-R-M-A-T-I-O-N

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 (NIV)

Being Tranformed = No More Garbage Dumping

As I spent some time before God this week he reminded me about the time several years ago when Jason and I were going through a very rough season in our Marriage.  We had very little in common, or so it seemed and we spent much of our free time focused solely on the kids or on independent activities.  It was during this time that we both did quite a bit of garbage dumping. Garbage in = Garbage out! When we actually spent time together we treated eachother with very little regard, we complained quite a bit and never seemed to be satisfied with eachother or ourselves.  I wish I could tell you it was the Moody Blues or that it was due to the stress of a little overtime work. 

The fact of the matter was it was due to the fact  that we were not in relationship!  To put it simple we were not in relationship with the Father, God, and we certainly were not in relationship with each other.  You see when we fill our mind with things of this world all of the time, there is still a void in our soul.  God created us to be interdependent beings.  To need relationship.  To need him!  To be incomplete with out him!  And to be incomplete without our spouse (Mark 10:8-10).  

 and the two will become one flesh.’^c So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:8-10 (NIV)

  God's desire is for us to live as a beacon of light to a dark world (John 8:12).  To stand for him and to be a representation of Jesus to the world.  We are not suppose to follow the world, but to stand out and to look different than the world. 

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:2 (NIV)

Even in our Marriages.  Marriage in the Church is called to look different than that of the world.  We are called to love one another, just as Christ loved the church.  To forgive as Christ also forgave us.  For Marriage to be the Oath that we cling to as we remember the Cord of three. God, our spouse and us.  Let's take the first step in Transformation together!

Blessings,
R

When Push Comes to Shove........ And His Love Language!

We are at that place in my house.......Dare I say it?.....  It's time to clean out closets, hide holes, junk drawers, and the like..... My husband has informed me over the years that this is not his strength however when I do this at the transition of each season into fall he really loves it!  I mean he really feels loved when I take the time to clean out the junk, reset the clothes for kids, straighten out the extra tools that need to return to their home in the garage...... It is one of his primary love languages.  I think in The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, it is described under acts of service... This is that little service for him that keeps him sane at home.  He likes things to be organized, but doesn't often have the time to get it organized.  He also doesn't like to look for things for very long.  So everything having a home is very beneficial to him and helps him feel loved, secure and cared for.
I wonder if we take the time to speak our spouse's love language as often as we should.

Just last night Jason held me while I cried about the stress I feel in going back to school  and the fear I feel of if I will still be a good mother and wife, and the identity crisis that has ensued as I am morphing from my career in Human Resources in to a passion for people and getting to the heart of the matter!  Jason encouraged me, he heard me and he said he was sorry I was struggling.  I didn't want him to fix me I just wanted to know he cared and for him to listen to my heart.  He held me while I cried and I felt very loved and cared for!  It is those little things we do for our spouse and they do for us that really make marriage work!  As I talked to a sweet friend this week, I remembered a time when Jason and I were not doing so good and we didn't bare each other's burdens, we didn't care for each other's needs and it was very lonely....I try diligently to be sensitive to the Holy Spirits leading when it comes to caring for my honey.


Blessings
R

Are you an Encourager or a Discourager

I met with a dear friend this week and was reminded as we prayed together for our spouses that we have the ability to be encouraging to our mate or to be discouraging.

Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.

                                                                                      Matthew 12:25 (NIV)

I stopped for a minute to question.  Am I an encourager or a discourager?  Do I show Jason that I believe in him?  Does he know that I stand behind his decisions?  God brought three scriptures to my mind.  The first had to do with how I talk about my spouse!!! Ladies this is crucial.  How we speak about our husband relays to people around us what we feel consciously and unconsciously.   

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

                                                                                        Ephesians 4;29 (NIV)
Even more serious than that is the fact the spoke word is used in the war in the heaven-lies.  we can either use our words to give power to the demons or to the angels.

The tongue has the power of life and death,
    and those who love it will eat its fruit. 

                                               Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)

We are called to stand beside our men.  To go into our prayer closets and to intercede on behalf of our families to go to God in times of distress and to put our all on the alter so to speak.  Now don't get me wrong I am not saying we need to be door mats.  I am simply saying that if you cannot come to a common ground in a decision with your spouse you need to take it to the Lord in prayer.  

 

The husband is the head and so as wives we are called to submit to that authority.   There was a time in our marriage when I would have fought Jason to get my way, where I might have even pouted about the decision that was made, even if I got my way.  But that day has passed.  As I said earlier in today's blog I still check myself to be sure I am sensitive to God's leading in this area. I am a strong personality and always want to be sure I am submitting without reservation!  We can go to our prayer closets as a part of that submission and ask God to help us to be of one mind in this decision as we should be.  God will change you or him or maybe both of you.  Either way it will be a winning situation because if we go with God we cannot fail!

Go with God,

Rechelle

Enough is Enough

There was a time.........
I've been to the place in my marriage where enough was enough....... I had taken all I could in the marriage and I knew my marriage was in trouble.  I have a friend who is going through that place right now.  Recently we talked and I asked her if she had taken all she could in the marriage?..... She state she had.   "Good!" I said, "Now that you have taken all that you can lets turn the table ever so slightly and try giving it all you've got!"
Pray for your spouse!  Pray for yourself.  I'm not talking the ABC prayers that make us feel better at the end of a rough day when we are ready to throw in the towel.  I am talking about really praying the word of God over your marriage, over both you and your spouse.  Does it really matter who is at fault?  Isn't getting it worked out all that matters?  Aren't there times when you really just want to be able to say, "Honey I love you and I don't care about the car bumper and the dinner dishes can wait."

God wants to help us sort out all of the lost feelings of love we have often abandoned in the need to be Right! to be heard!  Well what about commitment?  What about the vows we each made, many of us standing in a church before God?  Those vows are sacred.  We made an oath!  The bible says God will hold us accountable for the oaths we make before him.  I was pretty distraught when I realized that.  I had done everything right in my marriage........well, almost.

God quickly reminded me that thinking I was right was the place where I went wrong!  There are always two sides to any coin.  Two perspectives in any situation.  The key isn't to be right, it is to be committed to the realization that love is not an emotion it is a Decision and that the decision you made to marry, you will be held accountable for, for better or for worse!  So how do you work it out???? Prayer! Let me say it again, Prayer!! Plain and simple.  The bible says that, "the fervent effectual prayers of a righteous man accomplish much"! James 5:16
To tag on to the last two prayer posts.  Praying scripture over yourself and your spouse is possibly the most effective way to restore a relationship, to protect it, to grow it, to see it be transformed.

Quit focusing on all of the things your spouse has done wrong and start thinking of one thing YOU can do right! 

See an excerpt from the marriage saving scriptures packet below.

(Help us to build each other up, not tear each other down.)

Romans 14:19 So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.

Romans 15:5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus,

 (Help us to rejoice in each others company)

Proverbs 5:18  18 May your fountain be blessed,
       and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

Check back each day this week as I post more of how to transform a lack luster marriage!

Rechelle

Let's Chase Eachother Round the Room Tonight!

So in the spirit of Love, Romance and Passion I thought I should share some of the highlights of the current season of my marriage with Jason.  We have gotten in a routine since the day a little over 10 years ago when we said I do, that we make up pet names for each other.  Or rather I have several pet names for him and he occasionally comes up with one for me!  As of late we have worked pretty seriously at dating again.  We  rendezvous in the pool when the sun goes down and the kids are in bed..... We give more time outs which allows for a few extra smooches in the kitchen while the kids are in their rooms thinking about their actions.  We try to cook 1 to 2 meals a week together.  Where we come up with something crazy that sounds good and cook till our hearts content.  We dance a little and sample the savory dishes from each others fingertips.......

Proverbs 5:18  May your fountain be blessed,
       and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

   Our Marriage is the center focus of our union right after God in our lives.  Thirdly is each others needs (the little personal things) then 4th is the children.  We don't worry that our children will grow up with weak self images, in fact quite the opposite.  We are raising very independent, emotionally intelligent boys who know we love them and we set very safe boundaries.  Boundary #1 is Dad and Mom's door is often locked after 8:30 pm and sometimes before 8:00am!!!! Please knock and if no one answers come back in 30 minutes.  We have some simple rules that our boys stick to very well.  Ladies....the First thing our children need to know is that We love their dad!!!! 

Our focus in this season of marriage is to remember the simple things that brought us great joy and then recreate the scene.... In our nearly/early 30 bodies we have found it fun to explore how our bodies have changed and how that has impacted what we look for and need from each other!

Praying for your Spouse~Powerful Prayer

To back up to Thurday's post about the cord of three and praying for your spouse I decided it might be good to give some thought on how to effectively pray for you spouse.  To go back to what I had made note of in, "The Cord of Three" It s literally the fact that God's word says that the two become one flesh and if that is the case then no one can pray for your spouse as effectively as you can

at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'^[a] 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'^[b]? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." 

Matthew 19:5,6 

So what does it look like to pray effectively for one's spouse?????

As I sought God over this very question several years ago he brought me back to the word...I simply started with praying scriptures over Jason.  When I wasn't sure how to word what was heavy on my heart I would go to the reference for that specific issue in scripture and confess those scriptures over Jason, myself and our marriage.  

It was in this place (my prayer closest) where I really learned how to intercede on my husband's behalf and to "Call on the name of the Lord."

Some of my favorite scriptures are listed below for marriage.  I simply use these to hedge in my marriage! (Note: My words in prayer are outlined in blue.)

(Please continue to watch over and rebuild our marriage, and not let the evil one stop the rebuilding. Help me not to be discouraged or distracted by the enemy's diversion tactics. You will be faithful, God, to complete what you have begun in me and my spouse.)

Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

(Lord, do not let me or my spouse worship any other God's besides you, including money, drugs, alcohol, sex, food, control, shopping, looks, gambling, my car, my house, or even my children! You lead to life—worshiping other things leads to death.)

Exodus 20:3  "You shall have no other gods before ^[a] me.

Romans 6:16-20 Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. 18You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.  19I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. 20When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! 22But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in^[a] Christ Jesus our Lord.

(Throw off the lies of the Devil, Stand firm in the Knowledge of Christ.  He alone is your salvation in times of trouble.  Build your house on the Solid Rock)