The Kind of Woman

LOVE.........At Christmas Time

Love came down at Christmas;
Love all lovely, love divine;
Love was born at Christmas,
Stars and angels gave the sign.

Christina Rossetti

TranSformation Series......S is for Sex..... Don’t be afraid to let transformation happen in the bedroom as well.

I always find sex a little bit difficult to talk about, but the fact of the matter is that making love is a crucial part of marriage and it can be a pivotal opportunity to allow God to show you how to really love your spouse in a more intimate way. 

¹⁰ How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride!
    How much more pleasing is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your perfume
    more than any spice!

Song of Solomon 4:10 (NIV)

Sometimes exploring what makes your spouse crazy in the bedroom isn’t the worst thing you can do.  I’m not talking about tying them up or staring in your own films.  I’m talking about taking your time...... Enjoying each other fully, whispering sweet sentiments in your spouse’s ear can really get the engine revving, if you know what I mean. 

TIP:...... The time you spend engaging what makes your spouse tick outside the bedroom will also serve as a catalyst for transformation in the bedroom.

Image Matters....

I won’t tell you it’s wrong to dress in something fun.... However remember we are talking about building desire not lust..... So keep that in mind as you shop...... Find out if your husband has a specific outfit you wear that he really likes.  It might be his flannel shirt with stockings... Or it might be a kitchen apron... Or the pencil skirt you wear......Or a strand of pearls accompanied by heals and your birthday suit.....


TIP:It shouldn't be about the money, instead make it about the memory.  Shopping at Victoria Secret doesn't always ensure he'll be pleased.! 

Sexy Foods......
 Historically foods have been found to enhance sexual desire and pleasure...... For many of us simple fruits and wines are the key... But for some there are recipes that have been handed down that have also been linked to fertility patterns.  Have fun with food!  The old adage... The way to a a man's heart is through his stomach rings true!
Foods that will make his mouth water........

Avocados....... Melon......Figs..... Apricots.....

   ......Berries......Kiwi.......

.....Black beans... Sushi.......  

  Truffles......Dark Chocolate

Trouble with the Two Step......

I would say even if you are struggling to communicate or are working through past offenses don’t hold out in the bedroom.  Ladies If you are looking to get even with your spouse or make him truly sorry the bedroom isn’t the place to do it. 

Let sex be the place where you remind each other of exactly how personal, important, selfless your love can be!  Sex was designed to be about intimacy....There are times when sex is more about the giving than it is about the receiving.  What if we all took the attitude of “Gifting”.... The idea that “making love” is from your spouse to you and from you to your spouse.  Your words and actions can make the experience all God created it to be!

I really like a book I recently read for sex and marriage.  

by: Ray Rhodes

He also includes a 7 day plan to cultivating intimacy in your marriage!

Making the right sexual memories

Science tells us that for each sexual encounter we have it is imprinted on our mind, body and soul.  This is why pornography can be so addicting and difficult to overcome.  There are some great resources to assist if porn has been an issue of the past, such as X3 Church and some self help books, and of course therapy.  Keep this in mind as you work on transformation in the bedroom. 

Focus on building the right memories.  I had a friend once tell me that talking about God and sex in the same sentence was wrong and really a downer.  I was very surprise as God made sex... After some time pondering her statement I realized that she had admitted something very key!  The world has infringed on the single most intimate interaction between a husband and wife and made is something to be on display.  To make is shameful, to make it racy and a competition.  It has become a sport so to speak!  But no more!  Ladies we can take back the bedroom and make it what God intended it to be. The adventure of making sex be fulfilling without being x rated is an art and one that is for the two of you alone!  Happy Hunting!

Blessings~ R

Calzone

Dough

I use the same dough that is listed on my Bierocks recipe.  These are super easy to make, very filling and my family loves them!  I had a total cost of $7.00 in making these.

Makes 5 calzones

Dough 

• 2 cups warm water
• 2 (.25 ounce) packages active dry yeast
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 1/4 cup margarine, softened
• 1 egg
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 7 cups all-purpose flour   

  Filling

• 1lb hamburger 

• 1lb sausage

• 1 yellow onion

• 1 small can mushrooms

• 1/2 medium red  pepper

• 1/2 medium yellow pepper 

• 1 can pizza sauce or you can try my homemade pizza sauce

• Four Cheese blend shredded cheese or mozzarella

• Italian seasoning

Directions

Prepare dough: In a large bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water. 
Let stand until creamy, about 10 minutes (unless you use instant yeast, then you don't need to dissolve or wait just add it to the dry mixture, don't forget the water) Mix in sugar, margarine, egg, salt and 1/2 of the flour. Beat until smooth; add remaining flour until dough pulls together. Place in oiled bowl. Cover with foil and refrigerate for 2 hours or overnight, OR let it rise for 1 hour.

 

Next fry up the meat, add onion, diced peppers, mushrooms and minced garlic half way through browning.  Drain grease.  

Add pizza sauce... Make sure it isn't soupy or the calzone will leak heat.  

warm for 2 minutes.  Pull from fire. 

 Let cool slightly so that it doesn't melt the dough.

Take the dough and separate into 5 balls.

Roll dough out and fill with meat mixture and sprinkle with cheese and Italian seasoning. 

 Fold side over and press and roll edges to seal. Sprinkle cheese on top..

 Bake 3 to a sheet for 20 minutes or until golden brown.

Use a spatula to remove from the pan.  Serve immediately.

Blessings ~R

Love, Languages and Chapters......

Do you speak your spouse's love language?

  Dr. Gary Chapman, Author of The Five Love Languages gives five key ways in which individual give and receive love.  I would be remiss if I didn't share with you the Love Chapter in the middle of our Transformation Series...... I think it is never to early/late to be focused on your mate and working on your marriage.

 

The five concepts below are the Love Languages Dr. Chapman defines.  I would recommend going through the book with your spouse or at least the questionnaire to see what you and your spouse's five love languages are!  Just a tip.... over the last several years Jason and I have done the questionnaire more than once since in our marriage we have been through some major life changes, Kids, School, Career Changes... I have found my top three have been flip-flopped in different seasons of my life....

• Words of Affirmation
• Receiving of Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Quality Time
• Physical Touch

Once you know your husband's love language the sky is the limit for the ways you can show him love.  Even if you didn't get him to take the questionnaire you can still try some of the tips below and find out what he really likes.  Regardless of what you do, the key is to continually show him love through your words, actions, efforts and busy schedules...

 20 Great tips for improving the way you show love to your spouse!

1. Praise him in front of the kids.
2. Greet him at the door when he gets home–drop whatever you’re doing and go kiss him!
3. Make him a coffee to take with him in the morning.
4. Give him a backrub.
5. Ask him what he would enjoy doing on a date day/night?  Make it about his desires and interests too!
6. Tell him one thing you admire about him in relation to his work–and try to make it a different thing every time you say it!
7. Lay out his clothes for him the night before.
8. Put on lipstick and fix your hair 15 minutes before he’s expected home from work (or right before you arrive home from work!).
9. Text him and tell him specifically what you love doing with him.
10. Bring him a glass of water if he’s working out in the heat.
11. Ask him what he’d like for dinner–let him choose the menu at least once a week.
12. Wear something you know he loves.
13. Going out to pick up an ice cream/treat with the kids? Bring him one, too–even if you went out during the day when he was at work. Save it for him, with a note, “We were thinking of you!”
14. Rub him dry when he gets out of the shower–and put some “manly” moisturizer cream on him, or some talcum powder. Towel dry hair for him, and tell him you just love how he smells. Granted, this one may be a little sexual.
15. Pray for him while you’re lying in bed–out loud. Reach out, put your arm on his, and say a sentence-or-two prayer.
16. Walking by him? Reach out and touch him for a second!
17. Rub his feet while you’re watching TV. (You can even get a cloth and wash his feet and put some cream on them, too).
18. Ask him his advice on something–and then follow it (without challenging him!)
19. Ask him to explain something about a hobby to you.
20. Don’t just tell him you love him–tell him WHY you love him.

Remember as you try the 20 tips, that Love is an act it is not an emotion!  So if your best laid plans don't at first succeed, don't grow weary Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and focus on what God's word says about how love is modeled!  You can do it!  Have fun!  Be creative!  Most of all keep trying and keep PRAYING! 

Blessings~ R

Bierocks

• Bierocks  

  
  

  

   

  Dough 
• 2 cups warm water
• 2 (.25 ounce) packages active dry yeast
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 1/4 cup margarine, softened
• 1 egg
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 7 cups all-purpose flour  

          Filling

• 1 pound lean ground beef

• 1 cup chopped onion
• 6 cups shredded cabbage
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/4 cup melted butter
  
  

  Directions

Prepare dough: In a large bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water. Let stand until creamy, about 10 minutes. Mix in sugar, margarine, egg, salt and 1/2 of the flour. Beat until smooth; add remaining flour until dough pulls together. Place in oiled bowl. Cover with foil and refrigerate for 2 hours or overnight, OR let it rise for 1 hour.

In a large heavy skillet, brown meat. Add onion, cabbage, salt and simmer 30 minutes. Cool until lukewarm. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C.) Coat a cookie sheet with non-stick spray.

Punch down dough and divide into 20 pieces. Spread each piece of dough out on an un-floured surface

 fill with approximately 2 tablespoons filling. fold dough over and seal edges.

Place on prepared cookie sheet and let rise for 1 hour.

 

 Bake in the preheated oven for 25 minutes, or until golden brown.

 Brush with butter and serve.

These also Freeze nicely!

Blessings ~R

 

N is for New Beginnings!!

We are still focusing on the Transformation Series.....

When you plant a seed you plant it believing it will eventually spring forth and produce a harvest.  One that might be nurturing or beautiful to the beholder.  I doubt many farmers and gardeners, while planting their seeds dwell on the fears of what might not come.  They focus instead on the positive outcome they are believing and praying for.  They nurture the land, and tend to the weeds as well.  

 

New beginnings was not something that came easy for Jason and I.  We spent much of our time going back to the same issues, holding the same grudges and remembering, “when this happens then the following will surely ensue.”  However as we found ourselves in those places, the dark recesses of our thought life.....We decided to do something about it!  The bible says we can and should take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ Jesus.....It was slow at first, very intentional, but very doable!  I found within days that I had more joy in my life!  I had hope!  I remembered how to dream again!  I was even excited to see Jason each day when we got home from work....I won’t lie to you and tell you that Jason thought the new beginning we had both agreed to would even work.  He will tell you that at first he only agreed to start over for our boys.  But as one day lead to the next, he couldn’t deny that something was different......

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ² when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ³ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. ⁵ For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, ⁶ like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.     1 Peter 3:1-6 (NIV)

We were learning how to play together so to speak.  We were exploring activities we both enjoyed to focus our couple time on!  We became intentional again about dating each other.  This didn’t include going to the movie, because going to the movie doesn’t give you time to focus on your spouse.  Instead we went to the duck pond and fed the ducks!  We went to a WSU basketball game together.  We worked out with each other 3 days a week!  We went hiking or sometimes just for an over night campout.

So how did it start?  It started with lots of prayer.... of being kind even when I didn’t feel like it. It started with me doing what was right, trusting God’s plan and note giving way to fear!  

 

Blessings~ R

Love Letters of Encouragement

 I am so excited to share one of the single greatest acts of love my husband has ever shown me!  The holiday's are often very difficult in my home...  Because my parents and Jason's parents have been married several times and there are lots of bad memories tied to some of those relationships we find that the Thanksgiving and Christmas season can be very difficult.  So many people write about what they are Thankful for and I always just feel blessed to have survived the holidays and for my children to not feel the pressure that Jason and I feel to conform to our families ideals.

Jason and I have spent several years breaking some of the generational curses that are deep rooted in our family.  I say it has taken some time not because God didn't want provide healing sooner but, because it took time for Jason and I to realize at times what the root of our struggle was from and to really take it to God.

This week has been tough.  I have been working on my Christmas plans for our children, a few of my siblings and close friends I received a call from back home about a family matter.  The matter was really of no importance however the way in which it was handled nearly shook me to my core!  I was so hurt!  Flor lorn that one of the people who has has always been so dear to my heart could say such hurtful things about me and without me being able to form any kind of response on my own behalf...... This was one of those things I was going to have to choose to forgive without her ever knowing how deep her comment had wounded me!  To hold her accountable would most surely create a war.....

This was a place where I cried out, "Jesus it's for you"

¹ I cry aloud to the Lord;
    I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.
² I pour out before him my complaint;
    before him I tell my trouble.

³ When my spirit grows faint within me,
    it is you who watch over my way.
In the path where I walk
    people have hidden a snare for me.

Psalm 142:1-3(NIV)

It wasn't an hour later my lovin' man sent me the message below...........

.... Hear that sound??  

It is the sound of a family tree, it roots are breaking. 
It breaks Seeking the good soil God intended it to have. 
It chooses to break, chooses not to feed on the crap the generations before feed off of, 

chooses to manage resources in order to bear its best fruit ever in the very next season. 
Yes this tree is forever changed when it's roots break, 

and the fruit it produces is even better than good fruits produced in the past.... 
Yes this family tree's future is quite bright for choosing to break

~ Love Jason

A is for Apologizing for past offenses......... Have You Ever had to Eat Crow???

Have you ever had to eat crow? 

No really have you ever had to go back and apologize for something you said to your spouse that caused offense?....and once there realized that there was more apologizing that was going to ensue?  I think this is an area where almost every woman if she is really honest with herself struggles.  I have caught myself apologizing to Jason for one thing and at the same time feeling justified for being angry about something else..... This is the place where we are called to cleanse ourselves of all unrighteousness. 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 (NIV)

 So how does one accomplish that?  God has worked on me to confess it to him so that I can be set free from it. 

I mean really, does anyone truly enjoy being angry?  I think not! 

I think it is the worst feeling in the world to be in the midst of an apology while working on the next angle of where I am going to be right and Jason, wrong.  We are called to leave the fight there in asking for forgiveness and submitting to it!  If we focus on who will win the next round we are stuck right where we are!  Forgiveness is about unity!  It took me a few years to realize If our marriage isn’t thriving no one is winning!  It was a Eureka Moment when I realized that Jason and I really were supposed to be on the same team.  Knowing that is half the battle.  Standing firm when satan tries to tear you down here often times is the other half. 

Don’t worry about whether your spouse thinks you are sincere.  Pray for them to be able to receive your apology after you have offered it.  Sometimes in the heat of an argument Jason has held me accountable for something I have said in the past that was hurtful.  I have had to take stock of what he is saying in that moment and offer a sincere apology for something I may not have realized was hurtful or misunderstood.  It is in the moments after our conversation is over that I have the best opportunity to lift that apology before God and ask him to help Jason know in his heart that I really meant it and that I truly love him and want to show him respect!

There isn’t a greater feeling than when you can apologize for an offense known or unknown and move forward knowing that you are right with God, your husband and your mind and heart are clear!

Blessings~ R